• Mike C.

  

  26

  Re: Bad taste

  Sun, December 14, 2008 - 11:29 PM

  Using 'Shit' in the first line distracts attention.
  
  I feel the jarring surprise of a forbidden word that early insulates the reader from the quiet sinking ordeal that comes with reading a really bad poem. It should probably be discouraged.

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• • Oran...

    

    135

    Re: Bad taste

    Mon, December 15, 2008 - 6:57 AM

    Agreed.
    
    If you want to make an expletive sausage, the only way to assure it's still a maximally bad poem is to assure that the expletive hits the tongue only well after the floor sweepings and sawdust.
    
    The 'ferry' malaprop also competes too weakly with 'shit' to fulfill its real potential as a pointless nuisance.

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  • • Timbozo

      

      83

      Re: Bad taste

      Wed, December 17, 2008 - 6:56 PM

      Note though that if one reverses the order of the lines that one has the makings of a magnificently bad poem. Only the second from the last line (ie the original 2nd line) needs to be fixed to give it an odor of grammatical correctness.

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    • • Oran...

        

        135

        Re: Bad taste

        Sun, December 21, 2008 - 12:59 PM

        There are other simple solutions...
        
        
        "We can swim for shore,
        Or, we can sing the rose,
        And tickle the back of our shins with our toes.
        
        Ah but the red boat wont last for long;
        It's a hot day.
        
        Perhaps you sat on a top hat and toiled off with the air of a Newfound beatnik.
        Perhaps you just like the taste of your own tongue.
        
        Or perhaps a ferry took a shit in your napkin as you dined with the kings?"
        

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Topic	Author	Replies	Last Post
Bagging the Cat's Hands	Mike C.	24	November 5, 2009
Another volunteer?	Timbozo	13	May 4, 2009
What makes a poem "bad"?	Daniel	12	April 5, 2009
Brown Cow Tao	Eric Ashford	3	April 4, 2009