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Warships on high designate our lives to unfurl
As the children run amok
Over highways folding inward.
Lifeboats and rafts headed to shore.
Now we may exit this rotund achniad.
Life eats our toad stools to form
Any plodding light we might deserve.
Far away chances still rue our abandonment.
So flee from the apples that solidify our breasts
And explode.
As the children run amok
Over highways folding inward.
Lifeboats and rafts headed to shore.
Now we may exit this rotund achniad.
Life eats our toad stools to form
Any plodding light we might deserve.
Far away chances still rue our abandonment.
So flee from the apples that solidify our breasts
And explode.
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Wed, November 26, 2008 - 5:03 AMen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tran...ed_epithet
For either better poetry or for worse poetry, be clear in your own mind when you're using this and when you're not using it.
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Wed, November 26, 2008 - 7:20 PM>Far away chances still rue our abandonment.
Could be worse. Ex.
'Far away chances stills ours abandonment rues.' Note the double and triple meanings that confuse the sentence to a cheery muddlement.
On the other hand, it could also be better--keep the faith.
Peace out. -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Fri, November 28, 2008 - 10:35 AM"Chance is far away, in the rues of our abandoned still.'
If only there were some way to better ambiguate 'rues' and ruse'. -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Fri, November 28, 2008 - 12:02 PM"In the rues, chance is far and away, of our abandon stilly." -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Fri, November 28, 2008 - 12:59 PM'Chance rues of the still of us; far and away most abandoned.'
Putting 'abandoned' at the end created the opportunity to give especially bad emphasis when pronouncing it as 'abandon Ed'.
And nothing extends parsing ambimorphs like a semicolon followed by... well almost anything. -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Fri, November 28, 2008 - 6:34 PMOkay, here's our poem so far:
Far away chances still rue our abandonment.
Far away chances stills ours abandonment rues.
Chance is far away, in the rues of our abandoned still.
In the rues, chance is far and away, of our abandon stilly.
Chance rues of the still of us; far and away most abandoned.
Not bad, not bad. -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Sat, November 29, 2008 - 12:48 PMNot bad enough.
I would switch the last 2 lines. -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Sun, November 30, 2008 - 2:09 AMIt does have a certain ring to it... -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Sun, November 30, 2008 - 8:55 AMPrecisely.
The ring mocks the reader. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Leaving the Achnead
Sun, November 30, 2008 - 10:36 AMLo, how the humanitarian wind breaks
The bellows of our brethren in the great hall cast asunder
gaze not into the eye of the hurricane
steeped in doldrums, the tea of dead Sargasso -
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Re: Leaving the Achnead
Mon, December 1, 2008 - 8:57 AMI would have said 'sargassum'
(Of course, that would actually be a pun, wouldn't it)
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